Sexual communication and fetish communication are challenging for most people. Like many, sex was a taboo topic growing up in my life, only discussed clinically in school without any discussion of pleasure, personal preference, how to talk about sex, etc. 

It can feel even harder when you’re trying to figure out “how to tell my girlfriend I’m a sissy” when having a sissy fetish is even more taboo because it breaks traditional gender norms that your partner may also be immersed in. 

I’ve had this conversation before with multiple partners and want to help you learn how to communicate your sexual needs and tell your partner you’re a sissy! 

You Must Accept Your Sissy Fetish First

Even being in relationships where I had a partner that was accepting of my identity and engaged in sissy play with me, I felt such shame that I couldn’t communicate about what I needed from my partner and eventually closeted myself again because of how uncomfortable I was with my sissy self. When I was ready to pursue a new relationship, I knew I had to accept myself and my desire to have a partner who would want to engage in sissy play with me. 

Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be Into Your Sissy Fetish

There’s no surefire way to tell if your girlfriend is into your sissy fetish or sissy feminization. From my experience with multiple women that were into sissy play with me and some that were not, here are a few signs that may help your case: 

• She’s Kinky: If she has her kinks she’s expressed or has been willing to try new things in the bedroom, she will likely be more into exploring sissy play with you, especially if you’ve already engaged in any sexual play where she takes a more dominant role. 
• She Doesn’t Care About Traditional Gender Roles: If your partner isn’t already somewhat progressive about gender roles, then it’s going to be a giant leap for them to accept you as a submissive sissy slut if they believe in a strict gender binary of relationship roles. 
• You Have a Healthy Relationship/Sexual Communication: You must have a vulnerable conversation with your partner. It helps if you already communicate well with each other about your needs. If you don’t, you may want to focus more on building your communication with your partner before dropping a sexual fetish on them. 

Telling your partner about a fetish, particularly a sissy fetish that can be very involved and complex, can be a lot to take in at once and overwhelm your partner. They may start to question who you are and your relationship and jump to conclusions even if they may be interested in the idea. I got too excited with a new partner who expressed interest in getting into femdom by then revealing too much too soon that I was a sissy. While it worked out, she did get very overwhelmed initially, and it would have been better to ease her into the conversation. 

You know your girlfriend better than I do, but consider starting small, even if you’ve already gotten deep into sissification and probably own more lingerie than her. Have a more casual conversation and bring up an aspect that you like, “Sometimes I get turned on by wearing women’s panties during sex. Would you be up for that?” or “I know this is kind of kinky, but I overheard a conversation about pegging and I always kind of wanted to try it.”

You may still get rejected, but it will sting less than being vulnerable and humiliated by being too upfront. 

Wear a Man Thong During Sex

As I wrote about in my sissification story, I had gotten really into wearing thongs and picked up some lingerie but fell out of it when I had a partner that wasn’t particularly into it. During my next relationship, I was with someone who was more kinky and into trying new things. So, I remembered my stockpile of thongs and picked one that was a bit more “masculine.” She loved it, having never been with a man willing to do anything but be a total alpha. With that initial experience, we slowly added more into the equation, like lingerie, makeup, wigs, and pegging, until I was totally sissified. 

While communication is always the best option, and you will have to communicate your sissy desires to your partner at some point, wearing a thong for sex is a harmless way to get a feel for how your partner might think of you in a “less masculine” way. If they’re not into it, you can play it off like you were trying to spice things up or “You’re always wearing lingerie for me, so I wanted to try something sexy too.” 

Start by letting them know how much you value the relationship, what makes it unique to you, and how you feel comfortable and trust your partner, which is why you feel ready to confide your fetish to them. Be okay to say you’re nervous and worried about being made fun of or rejected. 

The tricky part is you want to ease into that you have this fetish and demystify it a bit without overwhelming them with too much information or sissy-specific terminology. You can say something like you sometimes get turned on wearing lingerie and wearing makeup in bed. You’re interested in pegging or her taking a more dominant role. Talk about how you learned about this fetish or some mild past experiences with it. 

Let her know what you’re looking for sexually, starting with something that would ease her into it. You’d like her to take you lingerie shopping, would she be up for pegging, etc? Then, you can build from there. 

What’s also essential is making sure she understands while this is the first time you’re telling her this, it doesn’t change who you are. You enjoy the sex you have been having and the relationship you’ve built so far. If she’s comfortable, give her the space to ask questions. You can make the conversation more inclusive, too, by transitioning into asking her questions about some of her fantasies and fetishes she might want to explore together. 

Good luck, girl! You’ve got this!

-Kylie